Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Pride (the Universal Sin) is a Cover-up for Universal Insecurity/Fear

One of the first insights the Lord gave me about pride was during a conversation with Him about others who I was judging as "prideful," and "stuck-up."  (Isn't that the way it always is.  The old mote-beam disease at work.  Thank goodness He was patient enough with me to administer the medicine (the truth) I needed  this day.

He revealed to me that proud people are (this is His merciful perspective on us as little children) actually very, VERY insecure, frightened people.   Myself included. That when I (we all) are proud--needing to resort to pride (whether it be from "above" or "beneath") I am (we are, they are) actually trying to defend against the attacks of the Liar, Satan, who is always trying to make them feel negative about themselves (me about myself).

We're all so "in this together" -- this mortality "trip" (journey, wilderness, high-adventure camp) experience. We are all just such little children--that's what He showed me in the eyes of my understanding. To Him (and all the other grown-ups back home in heaven-the celestial glory), we are truly as "little children," and I LOVE what He had to say in D&C 50: 40-42:

Ye are little children and cannot bear all things now.
But none of these (you all) which the Father hath given me shall be lost.

Reading that was one increment on the way for me to realize that He is committed to save me no matter what it takes. He will come after this proud little lost lamb that I am.  He will follow me into the darkest abyss if He must.  He has no fear of darkness.  He will follow me into any form of danger and degradation that I need to imagine a metaphor for--leper colony, brothal, whatever . . . He will follow me and come into the equivalent of these places (where I run and hide in my childish pride, driven by Satan's lies to me), and He will take my broken, bruised, crippled soul (body and spirit combined) upon His own shoulders--those shoulders that bore the stripes for me that I might not bear them--and He will carry me out of the dark places I've got myself into in my pride (fear).

He loves me with a love beyond any human comprehension. He has patience and mercy and compassion for me in my immaturity (childish pride). He/They love me (us) beyond our ability to comprehend and God will never, NEVER give up on us.

The only way there will be a final giving up--will be if and when we give up on Him.

It has taken me many years to embrace just how much He loves me. And the more loved I feel, the less I desire to leave Him and run off and use my addictions.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Mortality Is An Exercise in Accepting Imperfection

I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me and I love Him–enough to accept the gift of this mortal experience.  I know I was warned before I came of how imperfect it would be here–and that I would be imperfect too under these conditions–but since being here, I have fought against such a fallen world–and a fallen me–and I have used food and money and busyness/work/duty to keep me distracted from my pain.  In other words, in one way or another I have sought refuge in some sort of an addictive behavior or dependency on something or someone to keep me from feeling my feelings.

Gradually, over the last 30 years, the Lord has so patiently been allowing me to wake up to the depths of my true feelings–in other words, He has been patiently cradling me, waiting for me to “come to myself” and see life from His point of view–in the Light of His Love for me.  It has taken a long time to persuade me, but recently, I am allowing myself to believe His witness to me that even the hardest times of my mortality–ALL of it without exception has been a gift from Him, that I might learn by my own experience why His way is the only way that brings true happiness.  He has opened my mind and heart to see that this way of growing, of maturing up into the full stature of my potential as a LITERAL child of Deity, of God is the ONLY way it happens.

Mortality is something that every one of us must pass through–whether short or long–according to our calling.  Some of us are called to serve for only a moment here–to fulfill God’s purposes by our brief time in this world, whether that is to bless or test or reveal the hearts of those who we came to.  Others of us are called to labor for many years in this fallen realm, this wilderness camp so far from Home.  We are called to continue here in order that we might fulfill the measure of our creation–the full measure of our mission as we agreed to before we came.  My journey (at least so far) has last almost 63 years and I feel those years both as having flown by and also as having been so long and challenging.  As Lehi said, life passes as if it were a dream.